Dare I?
Dare I share my deepest thoughts on this blog? Well, no; this is the internetz and I do like SOME privacy. However, I would like to share some thoughts that are on the perimeter of my deepest thoughts, or something. Sometimes blogs are nice for doing that.
Times have been tough lately. My relational circumstances are good, mind you- awesome husband, amazing kiddo, lots of family and friends who are very loving. So it's not that. It's more like there is something internal that is dark and sad and very VERY tired, that needs to be exposed to the light and grace of God. I'm not sure what it is. I'm trying to figure it out. I have a good support system, so if you are reading this and you're worried about me, don't be. I just want to be open, because I think there is freedom in letting some people know, "Hey, this is me right now".
Here is what has been helping me smile lately in the midst of my heart going a little bit bonkers... Owen's laugh, and his enthusiasm for jumping up and down. Talking with Aaron about goofy things. Facebook messages and hangout times with my college besties. Greek food (amen!). My friend Tiffany's blog. Words With Friends (hehe). Trying to act on what God tells me to do, even when I'm fearful or tired, and realizing that He is with me giving me strength. Writing songs. Cheering on the Lakers with my obsessed family, even though I don't care about sports. Singing Carrie Underwood while I do the dishes. Talking with God about hopes and dreams I have. Sleeping in, when it happens (soooo nice).
It's a weird time for me, but God is good. He's getting me through, and I know He's accomplishing something through it. My faith is being tested, but it's not gone, and that's because God is not letting go of me.
Times have been tough lately. My relational circumstances are good, mind you- awesome husband, amazing kiddo, lots of family and friends who are very loving. So it's not that. It's more like there is something internal that is dark and sad and very VERY tired, that needs to be exposed to the light and grace of God. I'm not sure what it is. I'm trying to figure it out. I have a good support system, so if you are reading this and you're worried about me, don't be. I just want to be open, because I think there is freedom in letting some people know, "Hey, this is me right now".
Here is what has been helping me smile lately in the midst of my heart going a little bit bonkers... Owen's laugh, and his enthusiasm for jumping up and down. Talking with Aaron about goofy things. Facebook messages and hangout times with my college besties. Greek food (amen!). My friend Tiffany's blog. Words With Friends (hehe). Trying to act on what God tells me to do, even when I'm fearful or tired, and realizing that He is with me giving me strength. Writing songs. Cheering on the Lakers with my obsessed family, even though I don't care about sports. Singing Carrie Underwood while I do the dishes. Talking with God about hopes and dreams I have. Sleeping in, when it happens (soooo nice).
It's a weird time for me, but God is good. He's getting me through, and I know He's accomplishing something through it. My faith is being tested, but it's not gone, and that's because God is not letting go of me.
posted by Amanda Lane at 6:45 PM
3 Comments:
I really like this post. I read it like 5 times.
You aint alone, dear girl.
I like talking to you about weird stuff too :)
I love you. And I totally hear you. When I go through those seemingly dark, sad and tired times (which come to think of it was last week....motherhood anyone?) I try to cling desperately to the hope of God and cling to the fact that He is with me and this dark stormy encounter will pass. It may be awhile...but He is there!
I am so thankful my posts can make you smile. I LOVE YOU!
Aaron: how did I get so lucky to be with you?
Tiffany: thank you for being there and encouraging me! Motherhood has challenged me on a whole new level... It's so nice to know another mommy! Some days just wear ya down, am I right? :) Love you too! (Btw your blog seriously rocks! I hope you know that!)
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