It's not about me.
Do you ever think that you're responsible for the emotional ups and downs of your best friends, or your family members, or your significant other? Yeah. Emotional baby-sitting, that's what it should be called. And I do it all the time. I'm so over it. But I don't know how to stop.
I like to take care of people. Being the oldest of five kids has given me a lot of experience in hugging, making special meals for picky eaters, free math tutoring, and yes, babysitting. So I suppose it shouldn't surprise me when I tend to tackle my adult relationships in the same way: I'm the one who will do whatever you need with a smile on my face. But sometimes I can't take care of it all. Sometimes people need help that I can't give, and then I get scared that they'll discover my uselessness.
What if I can't fix everything? What if situations come up that require a real psychologist, a real dietician, an actual math major, a doctor, a pastor, God himself, or someone else who I'm not? What will I do then?
What if I'm not to blame for emotional difficulties in others? What if no matter how good of a friend, or sister, or daughter, or girlfriend I am, those closest to me still struggle with the same things? I guess it means that I'm more out of control than I want to be. I want to make people better. Sometimes I can't, and I get angry. God, my heart needs some rest.
I like to take care of people. Being the oldest of five kids has given me a lot of experience in hugging, making special meals for picky eaters, free math tutoring, and yes, babysitting. So I suppose it shouldn't surprise me when I tend to tackle my adult relationships in the same way: I'm the one who will do whatever you need with a smile on my face. But sometimes I can't take care of it all. Sometimes people need help that I can't give, and then I get scared that they'll discover my uselessness.
What if I can't fix everything? What if situations come up that require a real psychologist, a real dietician, an actual math major, a doctor, a pastor, God himself, or someone else who I'm not? What will I do then?
What if I'm not to blame for emotional difficulties in others? What if no matter how good of a friend, or sister, or daughter, or girlfriend I am, those closest to me still struggle with the same things? I guess it means that I'm more out of control than I want to be. I want to make people better. Sometimes I can't, and I get angry. God, my heart needs some rest.
posted by Amanda Lane at 3:21 PM
4 Comments:
I think you need a hug. Or maybe some canoodling.
I'm excited about being able to read your journal, I think you're a good writer, AND now I won't have to take you to the park to read it.
I want to write innapropriate public things on here, but I'm guessing someone's going to find your blog and read it. I guess it wouldn't be so bad, my shnooky wooky bottoms, my co-canoodler.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
You're sitting next to me.
You look pretty cute.
I think I have a mad crush on you.
I'm going to write you a poem.
Amanda the fair,
She went to the fair,
But when she got there,
She couldn't pay the fare.
So she gave me a stare
With her eyes all a-glare
And said to me:
"Since we're a pair,
I think it's only fair
That if you can spare,
That you pay my fare."
And I said to her,
"Since you're shaped like a pear,
And I can't help but stare,
Since you forgot your fare,
And you know that I care,
I guess you'll have to wait in the car."
-Your Love
Post a Comment
<< Home