Let's Partner For A Gym-Free America
Have you ever been assaulted by well-meaning twentysomethings outside of your local grocery store? These special folks probably wanted to offer you a free month-long gym membership. (I signed up once, because I Felt Bad, which is so typical. I never used it.)
Today I conclude that there is NO REASON why I should EVER get a gym membership, although I have considered it of late, thanks to my highly sedentary post-college lifestyle.
Here's why I don't need a gym membership:
1) I live in a garage.
Yesterday I was feeling a tad bit stir-crazy. It was raining really hard, which means that I don't even take short drives to the local Starbucks, because my eyesight is that crappy. So I was stuck in my garage/bedroom. I needed endorphins like the Yos crew needs gear. Then it hit me: I could totally exercise in here, yo! My room is a freakin' two-car garage. I got up and did 100 jumping jacks, 20 lunges, some sprints back and forth between the closet and Kristen's bed, and a few crunches. I also ran around my pile of laundry and even reversed the direction of my running a few times, as an added challenge to my NOTABLY GOOD agility. (If anyone would have walked in, well, it would have given some more mileage to the hypothesis that I am "the weird housemate".)
2) I have funny friends.
As you are probably aware, an extended period of laughter makes for an intense ab workout. Speaking of abs: Abigail made me laugh so hard last night that my eyes became all stingy and weepy. Humorous, witty, freaking hilarious friends = no need for some ab-crunch-buster machine at some gym.
3) Crap happens to me.
Bird crap, that is. I was already running late for work today, and when I left my garage/room and went out to my HOT '92 Pontiac Bonneville, I saw that a bird had freshly done his business on my windshield. Now, this would not be a problem for any normal person who makes sure that he/she has windshield wiper fluid and doesn't fail to refill it for, oh, 8 months or so after it runs out. However, I am not a normal person. Hence, I had the opportunity to exercise some more by hightailing it into the house for a cup of water and some paper towels, and running back out too, of course (double the fun).
These are all reasons why I can confidently turn down the gym-membership-pushers. Just Say No. (I hope I win the essay contest!)
Today I conclude that there is NO REASON why I should EVER get a gym membership, although I have considered it of late, thanks to my highly sedentary post-college lifestyle.
Here's why I don't need a gym membership:
1) I live in a garage.
Yesterday I was feeling a tad bit stir-crazy. It was raining really hard, which means that I don't even take short drives to the local Starbucks, because my eyesight is that crappy. So I was stuck in my garage/bedroom. I needed endorphins like the Yos crew needs gear. Then it hit me: I could totally exercise in here, yo! My room is a freakin' two-car garage. I got up and did 100 jumping jacks, 20 lunges, some sprints back and forth between the closet and Kristen's bed, and a few crunches. I also ran around my pile of laundry and even reversed the direction of my running a few times, as an added challenge to my NOTABLY GOOD agility. (If anyone would have walked in, well, it would have given some more mileage to the hypothesis that I am "the weird housemate".)
2) I have funny friends.
As you are probably aware, an extended period of laughter makes for an intense ab workout. Speaking of abs: Abigail made me laugh so hard last night that my eyes became all stingy and weepy. Humorous, witty, freaking hilarious friends = no need for some ab-crunch-buster machine at some gym.
3) Crap happens to me.
Bird crap, that is. I was already running late for work today, and when I left my garage/room and went out to my HOT '92 Pontiac Bonneville, I saw that a bird had freshly done his business on my windshield. Now, this would not be a problem for any normal person who makes sure that he/she has windshield wiper fluid and doesn't fail to refill it for, oh, 8 months or so after it runs out. However, I am not a normal person. Hence, I had the opportunity to exercise some more by hightailing it into the house for a cup of water and some paper towels, and running back out too, of course (double the fun).
These are all reasons why I can confidently turn down the gym-membership-pushers. Just Say No. (I hope I win the essay contest!)
posted by Amanda Lane at 1:49 PM
3 Comments:
amanda, sorry about cthonic. I was homeschooled.
Also, you and AMR make me laugh hard enough to cause a hernia (heather. I'm practically a doctor.), so of COURSE you're invited.
i love you.
please come home now. we're watching antm.
I would have liked to see you running back and forth between your closet and Kristin's bed.
By the way, did you change clothes to do your workout? I don't see why you wouldn't.
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