Zoopa zoopa

*I need to write a disclaimer before I begin on this blog. I am a Christian, and I love Christian people. So, no one ought to take me too seriously.

Sometimes, I feel really awkward when I am at church, and I have to sing a line of a song that makes me feel, well, foolish. Now I'm not talking about the kind of foolishness that King David displayed: a wholehearted, only-in-a-loincloth, completely abandoned dancing session before the Lord. I'm referring to the kind of foolishness that is something like the feeling when one must order a "Mocha Mint Snuggly" at the local coffee shop, (which this one is loathe to do), or Clucks and Fries at Red Robin (the aforementioned would just order "Chicken strips, please" . . . except that he's a veggie lover, so never mind).

There are a few lines of Christian praise choruses that make me feel a bit sheepish when I sing them. I wish at these times that I could substitute my own words, but, it is not as easy as attempting to avoid embarassment in an interchange with a waitress. I mean, no one judges me if I don't read off of the menu correctly. Lucky Aaron, who is not as much of a people-pleaser, just skips the words he doesn't like. I can't do that. Partly because I'm singing in front of the whole dern congregation sometimes, I'm not gonna lie. No guts. Like Brian Fellow and his ever-paranoid imagination bubble, I can just hear an accusatory church member reprimanding me for skipping the words: "Hey Amanda, your praise to God is going down the tubes!"

I'm sorry, my accuser. I don't like singing "Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes, Lord" and repeating it three times. That's like nine Lords and twelve Yesses in way too short of a time span. Also, I feel lame singing "But when the world has seen the light, they will dance with joy like we're dancing now" in a room where a total of two out of 300 people are actually dancing. Can I change the words to "like we're not dancing now?"

And then there's the one that says "We lift our holy hands up". Now, I used to be okay with this lyric. Until one of my friends told me that he always likes to sing "We lift our holy hens up", and imagine that he is raising two chickens up to God in some weird kind of fowl offering. Also, there's a song that says "Thank You for the cross", but now I always thank God for lacrosse when I sing it, courtesy of an athletic roommate who shared her twist on the lyrics with me.

I miss hymns. Maybe I couldn't do a crazy dancing session to a hymn - but I also couldn't do it to a praise chorus. In the former case, it would be because I was too busy thinking about the words. In the latter, it would probably be because I was too busy thinking about how to avoid the words. (I'm not sure if King David would be able to break it down to any of the songs we sing, either . . . )

In closing, did you know that there is a children's church song with a fourth verse that goes, "Zoopa zoopa, zoopa zoopa zoopa zoopa, zoopa zoopa, zoopernatural power"? It's true. They train 'em while they're young.



Zoopa, Psalty. Stick to writing songs for the kids.